As I was speaking to a friend the other day, I figured something is wrong with her. After every couple of sentences, she was taking an unwanted pause which wasn’t usual for a talkative girl like her. I thought maybe she is overworked due to the ongoing tax audits. She is a Chartered Accountant by profession and is living her dream life. At 25 she has accomplished whatever she desired. On asking she said everything was okay. Somehow I could sense darkness in her voice but I felt better to leave it there for now and not interfere.
A week has passed by I did not hear from her. Today is a Sunday which means I get to take a blissful walk by the beach watching the sunrise. Later starting my day with fresh coconut water and some homemade cookies. Over time I have taught myself to be happy and grateful for these small moments. So I was really looking forward to the walk. On Sundays, I had an appointment with nature and nothing should intervene not even the headphones which I usually prefer during the walks for some classic folk songs. It was almost 5.30 in the morning and I was all set having put on my running shoes and yoga pants. Growing up I had never found myself to be pretty enough but now things have changed. There is something special about these winter mornings which makes my skin glow or maybe it’s the Jasmine tea that I started after reading the book Ikigai, I am not sure what is it but I feel beautiful and more importantly from inside. Anyways, I headed to the beach. It was still dark yet everything clearly visible due to the moonlight. It has been more than five years of me living in this apartment near the shores but I could never get enough of this soothing sight. The comforting sound of the waves, cool breeze, chirping of early birds but today it was some jingling sound too which at first I was unable to identify. Looking around, I found a toy bell stuck on one of the coconut trees. When the tree swayed with the breeze it rang like a wind chime. I took the running track started with a brisk walk but switched on to running in some time. After half an hour I discontinued and went back to the sand area, removed my shoes. Now I was barefoot feeling the cold particles of sand tickling my feet. I felt like a child with no worries in the world. By now, it was dawn and nature had started spreading its golden wings. It was the most beautiful sunrise I had ever seen but I am sure I say this on all the Sundays. People had started to gather for morning workout sessions, families with kids for play-dates, people walking out their dogs, coconut and cookie vendors, and of course nature lovers like me. Now, it was almost 7 I quickly went to have coconut water and got a box of fresh cookies for my breakfast.
It was until last year before we got busy with work, whenever Pallavi came for a visit she would ask for her share of cookies in advance. I happily saved some for her.
Meanwhile, on my way back I had decided to write my journal. By noon I had finished all my chores hoping to write something but could not concentrate and for some reason, her round face with big bright eyes and chirpy voice was persistently stuck in my mind. Memories started flooding back one after the other. It was the month of April in the year 2010, my first day of classes in junior college. As I had recently moved to the city I did not have any friends. But I had this routine of always sitting on the first bench no matter which class it was. That bench had a capacity of nearly ten to eleven students but only four of us were there. I did not know a single face amidst four hundred. I was both excited and scared at the same time. Just then my bag fell for the third time. We kept our bags on the benches themselves and for some reason, my bag was behaving really clumsy. Must admit I was irritated and a little embarrassed too. I was about to pick it up when a hand came forward for help. It was a minute gesture but I still remember this because I wasn’t used to getting helping hands. We exchanged smiles and introduced ourselves for the very first time and that is how the never-ending friendship started. For almost five years of professional education that we have attained, we were inseparable.
I was startled by the doorbell. But there was no one at the door. Must have been the kids again. I did not realize its nearly evening, time for my Jasmine tea. Besides the taste, I love the aroma. It is an anti-depressant too. I was about to prepare dinner when I got a call from my parents. It was a video call. I quickly got ready with weird faces and tied my hair into a messy chignon to amuse them even if it meant for few minutes. My mother immediately asked, ” Are you ever going to grow up? ” I smiled and nodded at the same time in disagreement. Being an only child you get so used to the pampering that you actually never feel like growing up. It was just another day so there was nothing special to talk about but, what was there for dinner was a regular at both ends. After the call ended I missed my parents a bit more and did not feel like doing anything so I decided to skip the dinner and directly went to sleep.
At one o’clock my phone rang. I was not in a deep slumber so I could easy get up to see who was calling at this hour. It was Pallavi. As I answered the phone all I could hear was the distinct sound of her sobbing before I could even say ‘hello’. I faintly remember that I did ask her to calm down once or twice but soon gave up as I felt maybe she needed that cry in order to vent out the issue that was bothering her. After some time when she calmed down a bit, I asked her what was wrong. She said, there is something she wanted to tell me for quite some time. But not over the phone. “Can I come to meet you ? ” she asked. I said yes whenever you like or I would come to your place if you want me to. She hurriedly kept the phone saying she was coming over now.
I wondered what is it that she wants to tell me at this hour. I was concerned for her but Mumbai is known for its nightlife so traveling even at this hour is considered safe. Nevertheless, I waited for her to arrive, she used to drive on her own but today she had booked a cab. At 2 am the doorbell rang and there she was draped in a traditional blue-colored sari she hugged me and said what a relief it was to see me after a long time. I gestured her to sit, offered her some water, and asked, “Now tell me about everything that is troubling you? Is it the work pressure? And what is it with the traditional look ?” She pulled me by hand and insisted that we go out by the beach and talk. I was in my pajamas but quickly got the keys and we went out.
We got to the beach it was absolutely silent except for the sound of the waves and those jingling of the bell, they were still stuck on to the tree. She started speaking softly. You remember last year Dad got retired from the railways. I said yes, I do. She continued, there he had a colleague whose son is an engineer. My parents wanted us to get married. So they called him and his family for a visit this evening. The boy liked me. His name is Dileep. He is an average-looking person with a decent education and sufficiently good earning. In fifteen minutes of discussion that we had, he managed to make me laugh as well. He even runs an NGO so apparently overall a good person. Then she fell silent. I questioned, “Then what is the problem? You seem to like him. “
She took a deep breath and continued, I have a medical condition about which I haven’t ever shared with you. My heart began to sink thinking of the worst. She said you might not have noticed whenever we went on trips or outstation audits I never had a spare sanitary pad or tampon. I tried to recall but couldn’t. Well, it is because ” I have never had a day of menstrual flow in my life. This condition is due to my uterus being hypo-plastic. I can never be a mother.” Tears rolled down her face. I gazed silently at the sea, it did not appear that beautiful as it appeared in the morning. I hugged her, I did not know what to say. With tears in her eyes and trembling voice she again continued. After the family’s visit, she secretly messaged Dileep and told him everything but instead of appreciating her honesty, he told everything to his parents and that too not in a good taste, who as expected were furious and broke off the wedding. Now, Pallavi blames herself for being the reason for bringing so much embarrassment to her own parents. She has been warned by her mother that never again in the future she would be permitted to talk to the prospective groom or his family and there wasn’t a need to share this piece of information with anyone until she gets married.
By now, her eyes were all red and she was sad again. I told her to wait for the right person who will appreciate her for who she is. With the advancement in technologies, nothing is impossible and a genuine person will be more than happy to adopt a child and start a family with you. Moreover, trust me he will be fortunate to do so. Besides, she had definitely done a brave thing by telling the truth. This time a faint smile came on her face. I offered the box of her favorite cookies which I had quickly grabbed while coming. I knew we might need this. She was feeling better but we sat there for some more time admiring the waves once again.
