- Can you stare at a ceiling forever with tears washing away your face and soul ??? If petty things and thoughts make you angry like a demon ??? Instead of some "me time" to yourself, you prefer staying alone most of the time ??? If answers to the questions are yes, no matter what people say trust me you are in a depression.
- It comes in phases and the first phase itself is a deadly combination of irritation and anxiety. You must have felt the tension building up your chest and throat which might have wanted you to scream and roar and then subsequently cry for long hours. Later on, you thought its over and everything is back to normal but all in vain; After a certain week or so here you are again feeling all low, sad, frustrated, angry and humiliated. Worst part we have no idea why. Oops sorry Did I just say we..ok who am I kidding......obviously I have been through all of this and alone.
- We were advised by our genuine well-wishers to get up---to socialize---take part in activities---go for higher studies---fall in love---at times even to get married---go for walks----meditate---drink water and stuff because depression for them is practically another word for sadness.
- All this while you were thinking maybe they are right and perhaps it is a part of life and you are upset coz of whatever reasons...like you chose a wrong field or you chose a wrong person or you don't have enough friends or you are way behind your dreams or you had a break up or you are running out of luck or everything put together. So you decide to follow the advises and of course felt better for a while then you fell apart again. This time with higher burden and guilt and a feeling of I am good for nothing coming unknowingly to the next stage of depression. No matter how kind-hearted, well mannered or one of a scholar person you used to be... you are going to be hated, looked down upon with pity, sympathy, regret !!! All because of a sudden change and inconsistency in your behavior. Even those advises and recommendations are going to stop coming to you now. Only people to get you would be your parents and very close friends that too if you are lucky enough. But if your stage worsens you could be labeled to be lazy duckling, spoilt brat and what not...we know it well..right???
- There we enter into the last stage. After a lot of self-analysis and shattered image of ourselves, we now realize "it's not me it is the depression talking ". But what next ??? You are haunted with questions like is it a mental problem..is it an illness..what if I never come out of this thing..what if nobody understands me ever the fact is they already don't soo question pops up...should I end my miserable life.........wait and stop I need you to know people do love you they do understand you but unfortunately they do not know what exactly depression is. It is like those ghosts and spirit movies where nobody in this scientific world will agree with you unless they see and experience for themselves.
- Best way to get healed is by observing people in a rational manner because when you will closely observe the lives of others it will make you realize that nobody has a perfect life, speak to the masters of their respective fields most of them will tell you they had all together dreamt of something different. Some of the greatest people have received success really late but best part they never stopped struggling. Learn to know your priorities. Keep away negative people and to do that first find out who those are, as they might be right beside you playing with your brains but you failed to recognize. Trust me everybody looking happy and perfect on social media aren't its just their way to keep away the sadness from building in. You need to work on something you like and if you don't have enough time and sources to do that cut out time and expenses from something less useful. In my case, it was the combination of reading books, creating paintings, traveling, watching the news because it makes you aware of the reality. Also, I am still struggling but I am not ready to give up..... it is extremely important to tell your self that I am not a loser instead I am one sounded minded person who will struggle but will not give up or as we say in Hindi I am that one ' dheet ' person who never gave up and never will. Strengthen your mind and soul and tell them you have got their back and everything is under control. After all, it's your beautiful life that God gave you as a gift why to spoil it coz of some guy called depression.
- One request please share this article if you feel it was worth reading or even a little helpful. You might make life easy for somebody.
Ayushi Agrawal
(Name is not hidden for identity sake because I am not embarrassed of my depression)
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